The Love of My Life

By On Tuesday, 03 July 2018 01:06
The Love of My Life

We met when I was only thirteen. I know what you're thinking... I was too young, barely old enough to know what love is. You're partly right, I followed Him because everyone important around me was doing it. But the older I grew, the more I discovered about Him and the more He captured my heart. I was fascinated by who He was, the things He had done and all I wanted to do was hang around him.

Day and night I thought about Him.

We even had our own secret language... He taught me so we could use it when we were together. I know it sounds corny but you know how it is...nobody knew me better than He did 

Our relationship grew, I was smitten… whipped if you like-that's what you kids call it these days, isn't it?

It was beautiful.

It's the ones you love that hurt you the most.

I read that somewhere.

I suppose it's because we hold such high expectations for them, we think they owe us something. At least I think that was the problem I had.

You see…life happened...I went through terribly painful seasons and I felt He’d let me down...He wasn't there for me when I needed Him the most. I grew distant...pulled away from Him. How could he see me in pain and do nothing about it if He could? What kind of love was this?

I met "new friends" who for a while seemed more interesting than my love. They promised me a good time, some promised me more money and my name in lights... They said they could help me forget all the pain and the sadness…and I believed them.

My love had made me a promise. He said He'd love me forever and I believed Him when He said it and even when I was hanging out with my "new friends"… I still remembered this promise but I become such an expert at tucking away such thoughts. They always left me feeling guilty.

I wasn't innocent though, I knew what He liked...things that made Him happy when I did them...I didn't always do them though...I don't even know why...for instance I knew he liked spending time with me but it seemed too awkward at that point in my life. I wasn’t sure I knew what to tell Him…and I didn’t think I wanted to hear what He had to say.

Sometimes He told me exactly what He wanted me to do at a specific time but I wilfully ignored Him. What's was wrong with me? Didn't I love him enough? Why did I fail Him so much? What was happening to us? I realised that the less time I spent with Him, the weaker my resolve to please Him became; the pull from my "new friends" grew stronger which dragged me even further away from Him. 

I was hurting Him… I felt He was hurting me too... it was an impasse.

His love never fails.

I remember coming home after a day with "my friends" and I found Him waiting for me. I couldn't even look Him in the face; the disappointment in His eyes was too much I bear, I was sure He'd walk away and never come back but He just stood there waiting for me to move closer to him, almost willing me to do it. His presence was so strong my willpower was naught compared to it.

I hesitated, but He was pulling me towards Him...His power was drawing me. So I moved and made a couple of steps in His direction and before I knew it...His arms were wrapping me tight. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before…no…actually it felt just the same way it did when we first met. His love had never changed, at that point I realised I'd always be accepted by Him; forever loved by Him no matter how much I felt I let Him down.

He knew me. He could literally see the state of my heart...the good, the bad and the extremely ugly and yet still He drew me in closer to Himself; the rawness of that moment was mind boggling. The best chance I have for surviving in this world is to stick to Him as close as I can even when I feel I have disappointed Him because He truly is my only true love ...in this lifetime and the next one too.

 

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